LENT WITH CHILDREN – WHERE TO BEGIN?
On Ash Wednesday, in churches everywhere, children joined their families for what must have been a very curious event to them. It was similar to other church services, except now very purple. Whatever the priest was talking about must have been awfully sad, because everyone seems a bit gloomy. Then everyone got in line to get some sort of black stuff smudged on their heads! Some people’s black stuff looked like a neat little cross. But other people’s looked like they stuck their forehead up a chimney. The grownups said it is Lent, but what does fuzzy pocket stuff have to do with what was happening at church?
This may seem silly, and it is, but it is also very real. For us grownups, it can often be difficult for us to remember how strange the world can be for a young child. And if the world is strange, then the Church is especially so. Therefore, it is important that we try to empathize with the children in our midst—to see things from their perspective, or to put ourselves in their shoes. In doing so, we can begin to search for ways to help children understand Lent a little better.
So then, how can we talk to children about things like sin, temptation, and repentance? How can we help children understand our Lenten rhythms, rituals, and disciplines?
Sometimes the task of explaining theological concepts to children seems incredibly daunting. But we can be encouraged: the most effective way of teaching children about Lent—and indeed about Christian faith and practice in general—is what we are (hopefully) already doing. Fred Rogers, known to most as Mister Rogers, said that the best way to teach something was to love it in front of the other person:
When I was doing my practicum work in child development at the University of Pittsburgh, I remember hearing about a gifted sculptor who was a father of a kindergartner. At the request of the director, this man came to the kindergarten once a week and simply loved the clay in the midst of the children. He didn’t teach about clay, he just loved it and fashioned it and showed how he could express his feelings with it in that place where the children could watch him. And little by little, the children themselves began to love their clay and what it felt like to work with it and what they found they could make of it. That sculpting father came regularly for a whole year! I’m told that not before or since in that kindergarten have children used the medium of clay in such imaginative, satisfying ways—all because they caught the enthusiasm of someone who loved what he did right in front of them!
When we include children in the life of the Church, loving Jesus in front of them, we encourage them to see what we see in these things, and to love them for themselves.
As they participate with us in the season of Lent, curiosities and questions will inevitably arise within them. But before we jump into simply providing answers, we should really take time to ask children what they think. This crucial task is too often overlooked with children. When we think of teaching, our first impulse is to dispense all the information we know. We want to make sure they have all the right information we can give them.
If allowed, children will be the initiators in all their learning. They are natural explorers, eager to learn whatever they can, as they are ready. And they are excited to share their growing knowledge and put it on display. Therefore, as Magda Gerber suggested, we should “let the child be the scriptwriter, the director and the actor in [their] own play.” (1) Adults must resist the urge to lead and provide the answers, and allow space and time for children to contemplate for themselves.
For Christians, this should not be surprising. If we take Jesus’ words seriously when he taught, “It is to such as these that the kingdom of God belongs,” (2) and “Unless you change and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom,” (3) then we must recognize that we have something to learn from children. Indeed, we have so much to learn from them that we are called to become like them.
This can be quite difficult, and it requires practice, but allowing children to have a chance to explore theological truths for themselves creates a space of trust for ongoing catechesis. Therefore, before we start telling children why we observe Lent, or what sin and temptation are, we should ask them, “What do you think?” We may be surprised, and even inspired, by their answers.
Here are a few “definitions” that children have come up with during my own interactions with them:
Sin: whatever is the opposite of love, because God is love; not doing what God wants; things that hurt others and ourselves
Temptation: when you kind of want to do something, but know you shouldn’t; when something bad makes itself look good
Repentance: being sorry and changing your behavior; promising to do the right thing from now on
Discipline: something that helps you keep your self-control
After learning from the children, we can proceed to teach them what we know—though not in an overly corrective manner. It is important that children feel as though their thoughts are appreciated. When it is our turn to share, we must resist the temptation to correct all of their theological misunderstandings, or to give the impression that grownups have all the right answers. The easiest way to do this is with phrases such as, “Can I tell you what I have learned?” That way, we do not denigrate the children’s ponderings, but we do create the space for us to instruct.
And when we do, we do not need to water down or sugar-coat the truth. Children are the most ravenous learners on the planet, and their brains are constantly taking in information, even some they don’t presently understand, and storing it for later use. Thus, we can talk to them truthfully and frankly about sin, temptation, and repentance, in age appropriate terms.
For example, if we take the traditional invitation to Lent found in the Ash Wednesday liturgy and tweak some of the vocabulary, we can generate a simple explanation for why we Christians observe Lent:
For a long time Christians have gotten themselves ready for the time when we remember Jesus’ dying and rising from the dead by having some special time for thinking about the ways we have gone wrong. This special time got some people ready to be baptized at Easter. And it helped other people realize how much they had disobeyed God, and to be sorry for that and come back to the Church. And it allowed everyone to take some time to think about how God loves us and forgives us. So now we do that each year during Lent. (4)
In no way does this change the message of what Lent is; it simply puts it in terms children can understand. Even from very early ages, they can understand basic concepts of right and wrong, of self-control, and of love—all of which translate into early theological understandings of sin, temptation, and repentance.
Another way to teach what we have learned to children is to share age-appropriate stories from our own lives. It is good for children to know that the grownups in their lives have gone through the childhood struggles they now experience. It is also helpful for them to learn that being a grownup does not mean being perfect. Thus, we can and should tell them about times that we have been tempted, about times we have resisted, and about times we have failed.
Last year, I told my children a story from my own childhood in which I took a toy from a store without paying for it. I explained what I felt at the time (temptation), what I did in response (sin), and what the result was (getting caught, returning the toy, apologizing; i.e., repentance). Admittedly, my children were shocked at first (“How dare you?” was my daughter’s response), but they had a personal story to help them understand the theological ideas.
Since Lent is our season of preparation, a time for initial and/or renewed catechesis in our churches, let us pay a little extra attention to the children among us, that by incorporating them into this season, we might engage with them in a lively catechesis. If we do this with intentionality, our children can learn so much in this special time of year. And I believe we can learn so much from them in return.
https://www.magdagerber.org/magda-quotes.html
Mark 10:14
Matthew 18:3
Based on the invitation to a holy Lent found on page 264-265 in the 1979 BCP.
